Why are Cecil's lips purple?
by Sakura Sama 101
Summary: Was originally a oneshot but is now a serial, each chapter is unrelated to the others unless otherwise stated. The Dissidia crew try to solve life's great mysteries or share their epic misadventures. from cecil's lips to Sephy's one wing its all fair game
1. Why Are Cecil's Lips Purple?

_Hey, I decided to do another one shot for final fantasy, hopefully this one is a little better than the last one and gets more than one review…but that's alright, it got almost 200 hits which surprised me, I didn't think that many people read in this section. But yeah…on with the__ fic__ and hopefully it is funny and entertaining and review worthy ^_^_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the final fantasy trademark or any of the characters unfortunately…*sniffle*_

Zidane was bored, and when Zidane was bored, bad things happened, that was why Squall tied him to a tree when the 10 made camp in a small forest clearing.

"Squall! Please let me down! I solemnly swear that I won't talk Bartz into joining me into doing random things to everyone while they are sleeping!"

"…No."

"Please Squally!"

"Don't call me that!"

"…You know I'm going to call you that until you let me down."

"If you do call me that one more time, I'll knock you unconscious."

Cecil stood up, "I'm going to go scouting. Does anyone want to come with me?"

"I will." Squall answered, they quickly left and began to scout the perimeter.

"SQUALLY!! SQUALLY COME BACK TO ME SQUALLY!! GET ME DOWN SQUALLY!" Zidane screamed, then sighed, then ever so slightly cocked his head to the poor person next to him. "Oh warrior of light please let me down…" he put on his best pout.

"No, I think you are just fine right there. You are lucky the light saved you the last time you vandalized my armour."

Tidus cracked a grin, "But it was funny…well to me it was." He hastily turned away and busied himself in some random endeavor.

"Writing 'Geriatric' and 'Generic' and sunshines with rainbows and unicorns, not to mention putting random names on my armour isn't funny, nor will it help me remember my real name."

"Think of it like this, we were trying to pimp your armour. You needed colour….we thought the brightness would invoke the light to help you remember." Bartz tried helping his friend out.

"Do you call Sam-Sam a name?"

"Yes!" Bartz exclaimed. "He used to deliver free pizza for 50 gil."

"He was fired from the delivery service 2 hours after Tifa hired him." Cloud stated monotonously.

"Cloud, will you untie me?" Zidane asked with a hopeful pitch to his voice.

"Not interested."

"Rosebud?"

Firion glanced up at Zidane, "I will only because enemies could be directed to our location by the noise you are making, but one prank and I'll find some different, more painful way of punishing you."

Zidane squealed, "Thank you rose bud!" as Firion untied him. They all were sitting around the fire they made before and were silent. Zidane wasn't one for silence of any kind and racked his brains for a topic of conversation, there was one thing that was bugging him about one of his companions and he couldn't take it anymore, he just had to ask, "Why are Cecil's lips purple, or at least purple tinged?"

His other companions looked at him but they were obviously considering the question.

"Maybe he drinks too much blackberry juice…" Bartz suggested, "It seriously does stain your lips purple, maybe he's addicted!!"

"Wouldn't grape soda do the same thing?" Luneth asked.

"Nope, just makes your shit green." Tidus grinned. Terra blushed at the vulgarity of the statement.

"I take it this is from experience?" Firion couldn't help but ask.

"Yeah! I drank a case of it in one day, and I guess since it has cabbage juice in it, it reacts with the acid in your stomach and the bases in your intestines to change the color." Tidus explained.

The warrior of light decided to step in for Terra's sake and because he is the chivalrous one of the bunch, "It's not very appropriate to talk about such things when women are present."

"I keep forgetting I'm not with Yuna or Rikku…sorry Terra…" Tidus scratched his head in an awkward fashion.

"It's alright…" Terra answered, "Maybe it's his lunarian heritage that makes his lips that color, it's probably no different than me and my esper form."

"Maybe he has hypothermia." Tidus suggested. "He goes to the Lunar Subterrain quite a bit, and that place isn't exactly warm..."

"Some cancers cause discoloration of the skin, maybe Cecil has cancer." Firion suggested.

Luneth wasn't really paying attention at the time until now, "CECIL'S GONNA DIE?!" tears began to well up in his eyes.

Firion uncharacteristically panicked, "No he's not going to die! All I said was that maybe he has a tumor or melanoma on his face or some sort of disease that makes it that way."

"But he could die!"

"And he couldn't."

"Why are we even talking about Cecil's lips anyway?" Cloud asked.

"Even I do not know." The warrior of light answered.

"Because it's interesting!" Bartz answered.

"I feel sorry for you…" Cloud muttered.

"Join us Cloud!" Zidane tried to involve him.

"Not interested."

"Now that I really think about it…my purple lipsticks keep going missing…" Terra pondered, "Do you think maybe he…" she trailed off. "Maybe he uses them?"

"Yes! Yes! I think it's Cecil!" Zidane exclaimed a little too quickly.

"I agree!" Bartz added.

"They've been using your lipstick Terra!" Luneth ratted out the dynamic duo.

Terra began to cackle with magical energy, "Why is that you two?" she said in a surprisingly menacing tone.

"Is that what you used to draw on my armor?!" The warrior of light added, in the firelight they could still see a fair amount of what looked like grease and oil on his usually well kept armor.

"Umm…it could be…?" Zidane was slowly beginning to back away into the woods. Bartz began to follow suit. "You're dead Onion shrimp."

"Meep!" Luneth hid behind Firion, who just decided to watch rather than be a part of it.

Bartz suddenly pointed to a random point behind everyone, "LOOK A CHOCOBO!"

Firion and Cloud both looked to where he was pointing, Cloud did because he didn't want to be attacked by one tonight and Firion because he honestly thought there was one there.

Firion began to pout a little, "Damn I fell for it again!"

Unfortunately for the trouble makers no one else did, so they were back to square one,

"What will it take for you to spare our lives?" Bartz asked.

"Do our chores for a month and we'll postpone it." Warrior of light answered.

"Deal!" Bartz answered.

"So…let's get back to the conversation we keep getting side tracked from…" Luneth tried to restart the conversation.

"Maybe he's stealing from the emperor." Firion thought aloud, "He wears purple lipstick as well…though…Cecil would be dead if that was the case because the emperor is a fruit and is very protective over his talcum powder and other such things."

"Eggplant?" Bartz suggested.

"Maybe one day he was chewing on a purple pen and it exploded!" Tidus said very fast and in one breath.

"Who was chewing on a purple pen and it exploded?" a mysterious but familiar voice asked.

"Oh Cecil! Hey how was patrol?!" Zidane asked.

"It was good, didn't see any manikins or worse opponents." Cecil answered, "So who was it who chewed on a purple pen and it exploded?"

"Was it you?" Luneth asked.

"No…so who did?"

"No one." Terra answered.

"Cecil, why are your lips purple?" Tidus asked since no one else did.

Cecil just pondered the statement, "I was born that way I guess, no one ever asked me that before, so I never really thought about it."

"I guess you were right Terra." Bartz grinned sheepishly.

Cecil just stared at his comrades, "You guys were discussing different reasons why my….lips were purple the whole time I was gone?"

"Pretty much." Tidus answered, "It was Zidane's brainwave though."

Cecil cast Zidane a mildly bewildered glance, then muttered something along the lines of, "I would hate to see what any of you come up with when you are doing anything interesting…", and picked a place to lie down and settle in for the night.

Squall just looked at them and shook his head at the four more childish ones of the group as he followed suit.

"SQUALLY!" Zidane attacked Squall, but Squall knew that this was going to happen and put up his gunblade. Zidane crashed into the blunt end of it and went flying, "No fair!" he rubbed his aching ribs and sat down, giving up, at least for this night.

Fortunately, for the warriors who still had some sanity left, there were no more disturbances.

END!

_I get the feeling I'm losing my touch with my humor stories…My last one I wrote only got one review, and I'm starting to think maybe life is taking it's toll on me and poorly effecting my writing. But, if you think this isn't true, please review me and let me know, it'd be much appreciated. ^_^ and also, I seem to be getting a lot of one shot ideas for Dissidia, if you guys want me to continue on and make a one shot collection please let me know! Hint hint huge hintage!! Feedback is much appreciated and welcomed!!_

_Sakura Sama 101_


	2. What's small brown cute alive and furry?

_Alright…I had meant to get this chapter up WAY sooner, but a series of unfortunate events happened, first my internet to my house got cut off, that left me with two options to update, either use my dad's aircard, or update at school. Unfortunately, fanfiction is blocked on the computers in the library but it's not in the computer lab. But I only go the actual labs if an assignment is assigned that needs it because they're locked and I don't have Zidane's pro thieving skills, then HUZZAH! 2 whole days in the lab to get this posted, I finished typing it yesterday, but now…today I have no school because the sewer lines broke…and I don't know if we are in the lab Friday…so I'm stealing my dad's aircard to post this…and find a walkthrough for Twilight Princess, (Shh! Don't tell anyone!) So without further ado I present you the next chapter._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy Dissidia, or any of the games it includes…well the trademark anywayz. _

The Cosmos 10 split up into groups to find their crystals. Firion, Cecil and Tidus were in one, Terra, Cloud and Squall were in another. The Warrior of Light went off on his own and the last group was Luneth, Bartz and Zidane.

The last 3 were entering a dilapidated mansion searching for any sort of clue that would lead them to a crystal. They were an evenly matched group, Bartz the mimic dealt with any enemies on the ground, Zidane took care of all aerial opponents, and Luneth utilized his sharp mind to try ant strategize their battles.

They were taking a small break in an alcove after clearing the area of manikins. Bartz pulled out some rations and passed them around. In the middle of eating, they could hear a strange rustling. All 3 warriors stiffened and grabbed their weapons. They waited for the attack that never came; Bartz giggled, "Haha that tickles!" The puppy barked and continued its assault on Bartz's face.

Zidane and Luneth came over to Bartz after putting away their weapons. Zidane looked puzzled as he stared at the dog, "I thought we were the only ones alive…"

"We were…technically no one else is supposed to exist. This dog being here must be some sort of anomaly." Luneth answered.

"Whatever may have happened, we can't just leave him." Bartz said determined.

"That's right! It wouldn't be right as he's alive and so helpless…plus…if there are any chicks in this world…including Terra…it'll make an awesome chick magnet!" Zidane pumped his fist.

"Plus…it's so helpless!" Bartz added.

"We have one problem though…the dog might become a liability, and thus our comrades may not be so willing to take it in." Luneth decided to unleash the bad news.

"That's why we hide it and secretly train it to be a canine warrior!" Zidane countered.

"Yeah! Terra talked about a canine warrior named 'Interceptor' who liked to eat strangers." Bartz added.

Luneth gave up, one thing he learned while being in the dynamic duo's company, was that once those two had their minds set on something, good luck trying to talk them out of it, " It will be hard…but it isn't impossible to hide it…at least for long enough to get it trained up a little."

Bartz held up the puppy who was looking adoringly at them all, "You are now officially not an it! You are now a b…girl…" Bartz sighed but perked up, his sadness that she wasn't a boy gone, "Now we don't gotta worry about you lifting your leg on things!!"

"And I think girls will be easier to deal with…for the most part." Luneth commented.

"What will we name her?" Zidane asked.

"I know! How about Boco?!" Bartz chirped.

"Umm…I'd rather not name her after your chocobo…" Luneth answered, "Besides…there can only be one boco right?"

"…Yeah…I guess so…"

Luneth grinned, "How about Button, Sandy or Peanut?"

Zidane scoffed, "She's gonna be a killer dog, she has to have a name that inspires fear! Like Spike or Cid or Xena!"

"I like Xena…" Bartz trailed off.

"Me too." Luneth agreed, though he was still a little hurt by Zidane's comment.

"Xena it is then!"

"We should head back…it's getting dark." Luneth informed everyone. They made their way back to camp; soon they could see the glow of their group's fire in the distance, "Alright, we have to hide her and smuggle her in somehow."

"How about in your armor?" Bartz suggested.

"…Do I have a choice in the matter?"

"Nope." Zidane answered.

"It's probably not going to work…" Luneth sighed.

"Yes it will, have a little faith will ya? We'll put her inside your helmet." Bartz held out Xena. "This will probably be uncomfortable…but this is for your own safety." Bartz put Xena on Luneth's head. "Stay and quiet." He put Luneth's helmet back on his head.

"Now…the goal is to try and act normal." Zidane flinched at how weird that sounded. They walked into the clearing where the camp was set up. Terra, Tidus, Firion and Cecil were sitting around the fire, Squall and Cloud were conversing at the edge of the encampment and the Warrior of Light was watching them as they wearily sat down at the fire.

"How fares your search?" Cecil asked.

"Nothing…they're a lot harder to find than I thought." Bartz admitted.

"How about you guys? Did any of you find anything?" Zidane inquired.

"Zilch." Tidus answered, "Just manikins, manikins and more manikins." Terra let out a sigh.

"Don't get discouraged Terra. Cosmos wouldn't have asked us to do this if she thought it was impossible." Firion spoke.

Terra smiled remembering their shared dream, "Yes."

"But it kinda would be nice if we at least had a clue." Tidus acknowledged.

"Why so quiet Luneth?" Cecil asked out of concern.

Luneth jumped, "I have to use the bathroom." Luneth walked into the bushes, the others looked after him with concern though Zidane and Bartz had the most to fear. When Luneth came back he had his helmet and cape off, his cape bundled inside his helmet. Luckily, no one thought to much of this much to the trio's relief. Firion and Bartz went off to fish a little while ago since that was the only real meat staple.

Zidane sat beside Luneth, "Where is she?" he whispered.

"In my helmet sleeping." Luneth answered.

"Okay, good."

After their supper of fish and bounty from the forest, they assigned Tidus the first watch.

Tidus felt it was rather pointless to have one as the majority of them were light sleepers, but he took it on anyway because he knew it was pointless to argue.

'I know that they feel better with the watch system…but it's just so boring!! I don't think they'll mind if I play a little blitzball to pass the time.' He pulled out his blitz ball and began to kick and bounce it around. In the middle of a slightly more intricate move, a brown blur jumped up and knocked the ball to the ground. "Whoa!" Tidus yelped in surprise as he fell on his butt. Tidus summoned his sword and began to approach the brown lump and his blitz ball. The closer he got the more he could hear playful grunting and growling. Tidus put away his sword and gave the brown furball a nudge. Two brown eyes and a wagging tail met his gaze. Tidus chuckled and picked up the puppy. "Hello there wagmister…how on earth did you get here?" He grabbed his blitzball and sat down with Xena in his lap. "It's not safe for you here but…it would be worse if you weren't with us." He whispered. Tidus looked around the camp and saw that Luneth's helmet and cape were arranged into something like a dog bed.

"Ahh…so Luneth must've found you…I don't blame him for keeping you a secret…there are a lot of somewhat strict and harsh people in our company…" Xena whined, "Yeah I know…it's kind of a bummer, The Warrior of Light is a good leader, and has a lot of pride, but I think his duty sometimes clouds his eyes to what's really important. Firion's a good guy, he doesn't judge others or get mad too easily, but sometimes he cuts himself off from others and goes to his own little world. Luneth you already know…he's pretty smart for a brat." Tidus paused to chuckle, "Cecil…Cecil's a different kind of guy, he gives off another worldly vibe that turns others away but he is really nice. I think you know Bartz since he was with Luneth, the laid back aimless wanderer who never grew up. Terra is the girl of the group, she has a lot of fear and mistrust in herself…which I think leads to her fear in others…but if she knows that you won't leave her no matter what, she's a good friend. Cloud…he…he's had friends that were close to him die…he puts up walls to drive people away cause he's afraid they'll die and that loss will hurt him…if I had an enemy like Sephiroth, I don't blame him at all for that. Squall does put up walls but I think that's because he likes being alone, and he's insecure about how others will take to him sometimes, but that's Squall for ya. And you probably know Zidane, our prank specialist…though sometimes he goes too far. But it's still pretty funny though. Then there's me…the blitzball player. I didn't do anything overly spectacular like save a princess or take part in a rebellion to fight for peace…but I did help defeat Sin…I guess that counts for something." Tidus sighed.

"Xena…" Luneth mumbled.

"Xena?" Tidus wondered, the puppy lifted her head up, "I guess that's your name…" Tidus put his hand behind his head, "I'd have named you buttons or wagner but…I guess they're going for the attack dog approach."

Tidus sat there petting Xena until she fell asleep, he then returned her to her makeshift bed and continued his watch.

The next morning they all decided to move out as one group to relocate to a new camp to make sure that their enemies would have a harder time finding them. Tidus walked over to Luneth, "I know." He whispered, "Your secret's safe with me, but you better tell it before anyone else finds out…I don' think the others would like secrets kept from them."

"I know…" Luneth muttered back, "I'm waiting for the opportune moment."

"Alright…well until you find the opportune moment I can help you guys train her so that they can see that she has some use." Tidus offered.

"Alright." Luneth nodded.

They continued on until they approached an old castle.

"We shall make camp in there, but first clear out all manikins and other such fiends." The Warrior of Light commanded.

"We should split up into groups of two…we can cover more ground…but we won't get overwhelmed." Cloud suggested.

Firion, Cecil, Squall, Cloud and Warrior of Light formed one group because Tidus, Zidane, Bartz and Luneth immediately ran to each other like they were 5 years old. Terra giggled at their antics and walked to their group.

Squall pitched a sigh, "If I have to rescue you guys this will be the last time you pick your own groups."

"Don't worry Squall…we'll be fine!" Bartz called as they retreated into the castle. As the happy group searched rooms Luneth's helmet began to whine.

"What…what's that sound?" Terra asked, fear lacing her voice. The others looked at Luneth.

"Promise me you won't scream." Luneth said as he began to take off his helm.

"I'll try not to …" Terra answered.

Luneth took off his helm and picked up Xena, he put her in Terra's arms.

"Oh…it's so fluffy!" Terra exclaimed and began to pet and talk to the dog.

"Yeah…Xena's cute…now that Terra knows it'll be easier to convince the others." Tidus grinned, "Especially since half the guys got a crush on her and would hate to see her sad!"

Terra went red as well as Luneth, Bartz and Zidane. They continued on until Xena started to growl at a closed door. "What is it girl?" Bartz asked. Xena continued to bark at the door, "Get Xena." Bartz ordered and Terra quickly did so. They summoned their weapons and kicked down the door, there was one lone manikin waiting for them, they quickly destroyed it. They took a break in that room and began to train Xena. They managed to teach her the basics, using rations to reward her. Soon they were back on their way and they let Xena walk alongside them as they searched.

"So how did you find out about Xena Tidus?" Zidane asked.

"She scared the living crap out of me when I took watch last night." Tidus answered.

"Mmm." Zidane nodded.

"I figured out a perfect way to get the others to say yes to Xena." Bartz announced.

"How?" Luneth asked.

Bartz picked up Xena and gave her to Terra, who immediately snuggled into the fluffyness, "Well, Luneth, you go shouting in, 'Look what we found in our search!' and when you have their attention we will catch up to you and hopefully they will notice Terra holding Xena. If not than either me or someone else will point her out to them. Then there's the hard part, coming up with good arguments…" Bartz paused and turned to Terra, "If it looks like we are losing either step in or wait until I nod at you…you are our last resort…if we are in the event that we aren't getting through to them…step in and use your persuasiveness and girlish charms to get through to them."

"But…I'm not very persuasive…" Terra sighed.

"Do you want to keep Xena?" Tidus asked her.

"I…I do…"

"You'll find a way I'm sure!" Tidus grinned.

"I'll…I'll try!"

So they continued on and looked for the others, after a fair bit of walking they found the others in a large room that could only be entered by one door.

"Look at what we found!" Luneth ran over to them.

"What?" Firion asked.

"We found a puppy!" Tidus, Zidane and Bartz cried at the same time then looked at each other, Terra walked over to them cautiously.

"Can we keep her?" Luneth asked.

"No." Warrior of Light answered.

"Why not?" Bartz asked.

"Because it can be seen as a weakness, a weakness our enemies would love to exploit if given the chance." Cloud answered.

"We would protect her!" Tidus answered.

"And besides! She might look small now but she's gonna grow up to be a killer dog!" Zidane added.

"Yeah right." Squall scoffed.

"She will be! And she'll be a damn good one too! I'll teach her how to murder innocents and protect me from rapists!"

"Technically there are no innocents other than ourselves and there are no rapists here…now…" Luneth chided.

"I didn't mean rapists as in actual rapists…I was using it as the gamer term of rape…and who's side are you on?!"

"Yours."

"Then quit questioning my apparent lack of logic!"

"Yes m'am I mean sir!"

"A dog takes a lot of responsibility." Cecil pointed out, "Once the initial excitement has passed will you show the same enthusiasm?"

"Yes. We will." Bartz answered.

"You say that now." Warrior of light muttered.

"Come on! Terra won't be the only girl anymore!" Zidane chirped, "This one doesn't lift her legs!"

"And I can have someone to tell secrets to when everyone makes me mad!" Tidus added.

"Besides she will die if we leave her." Luneth pointed out, "How would you like that on your conscience?"

"She is going to die naturally or from enemies we may encounter." Cloud answered.

"Your attachment for her can be exploited not only by enemies but what happens when our time here is done? I do not think this world will care if we are sent back home or to a worse fate and she is left behind." Warrior of Light added.

"We'll worry about that when the time comes." Bartz brushed it off.

Firion remained silent throughout this whole exchange; he weighed the pros and cons in his mind, "What about training her? Not just tricks but things that are of use?"

"Don't worry about that Rosebud! We already got her trained up a little! And the best part is that we don't need to set up a watch anymore because she can sense enemies before they attack" Tidus cheered.

"Plus…if we can have the dog me and Bartz promise we won't do any pranks! Or…at least a significant decrease…"Zidane tried the bargaining route.

Terra took a deep breath and slowly walked over to the Warrior of Light, "Please…can we keep her…at least for a little while?" She looked at the others, "It's the right thing to do…if it becomes more dangerous for her to stay…then we'll let her go…I…I think that we can all benefit from having Xena around…"

Warrior of Light sighed, "I see that you cannot be dissuaded. Very well, she can stay, for now."

Tidus, Luneth, Bartz and Zidane whooped and cheered, the others just shrugged, they made camp and the others began to get to know Xena

END!

_Sigh wow I hope that this chapter was worth the wait! And that you enjoyed it! Please review or add to favorites!! Also I need a question answered! This will determine how fast i can get one of the upcoming chapters written! Firion has a Japanese Nickname that means Virgin, unfortunately i don't know what it is....can someone please tell me? I don't know if it's Frioniel or Nobara or if it's something completely different! Cause I have an awesome chapter idea...but it helps if i know what i'm writing about, please answer through review or PM it will be much appreciated!!_

_Sakura Sama 101 Signing off. _


	3. Why's 6 afraid of 7?

_Argh my internet is getting so frustrating that I'm almost counting the days when I can move out cause at least in university I know I will have a stable connection, it's kinda bad that for once I am around 2-4 chapters ahead of most of my fics, shows how much time I have being bored lol. Or playing games and drawing comics…but I'm so mad I don't want to draw them either cuz it will make me more mad…anyways here's the next chapter ^_^ enjoy! _

_Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy Dissidia or any of the trademarks it involves…I just have 1-4…I need the rest ^_^_

Bartz liked to think he was a funny guy. Everyone usually laughed at his antics whether he was trying to be funny or actually trying to be serious, well everyone except Faris that is, but Bartz didn't like thinking about her so he quickly put her out of his mind. He sat under a tree and began to reflect all that had happened, from defeating Exdeath to being summoned here, all the new experiences and all the new faces, and all the new stories he could tell. With a little rooting around, he discovered that they each had a number that corresponded to them.

"I'm 5!" Bartz smiled, "I'm halfway through them! I'm the middle!" he frowned, "But I was 6th to get my crystal…" he brightened up again, "And Terra's 6! Zidane got his crystal 7th and Squall is 8 and Zidane is 9! 7…8...9…7 ate 9! Oh…my…god!" He ran back to camp where the others were.

"Bartz, what's the matter?" Firion asked.

Bartz began to catch his breath, after a few seconds he did and he saw the others were looking at him expectantly; Bartz took one last calming breath, "Guys…and girl, I have a very important question to ask you. Why is 6 afraid of 7?"

The others face palmed, well everyone except for the Warrior of Light and Cecil because they are that awesome and just don't do the sort of things other mortals do…

Zidane grinned, catching on to their codenames, "Because Cloud has a massive sword? I know he's on my side, and I'm still scared of him swinging that thing around me!" The others clued in, Terra began to blush as Cloud began to brood.

"I…I'm not afraid of you Cloud…" Terra said quietly to try to get him to stop brooding.

"…I know."

"Is it because Cloud is always so depressed?!" Tidus tried. Bartz shook his head.

"Is it because he looks like a chocobo?" Luneth asked.

"I do not look like a chocobo." Cloud growled.

"Is it because he's so emo all the time?" Zidane tried again.

"Nope!" Bartz suppressed his laughter.

"I…am not…emo!" Cloud's voice had a bit of a bite in it.

"Then why do you hide your one arm in your other costume?" Tidus asked.

"It was because of Geostigma." Cloud answered.

"What's that?" Bartz asked.

Before Cloud could answer, Zidane cut in, "Pfft, that's probably just a fancy word or a disease for Cloud cutting himself!"

"Umm….anymore suggestions??" Bartz gently asked, he was slowly getting more and more fearful for his and everyone else's lives if they kept making Cloud madder.

"I'm out of ideas. Why's 6 afraid of 7?" Luneth answered, the others who actually tried to guess nodded in agreement.

"7 8 9." Bartz answered.

"7 ate 9?!" Tidus exclaimed, "Eww!"

"Are you thinking of Cloud actually eating Zidane, or Cloud "eating" Zidane?" Luneth asked.

Tidus went a very neon shade of green, "Excuse me while I go throw up Luneth….I really didn't need to see that image in my head…" Tidus ran to the nearby bushes.

"I'm a boy!" Zidane yelled.

"But you grow pink fur." Firion pointed out.

"REAL MEN WEAR PINK!!" Zidane huffed.

"Real gay men wear pink…" Squall muttered.

"Can I ask what everyone's fighting about? I'm afraid I don't understand…" Cecil meekly asked.

"Cloud can't eat Zidane because Zidane's a boy, you can only eat out on a girl." Luneth answered.

"How do you even know this? What are you 12?" Tidus came back from the bushes.

"13!!!" Luneth sulked, "Bartz and Zidane gave me books…"

"Lets move on…" Terra suggested.

"But wouldn't Cloud have aids? Since Zidane is half monkey?" Firion asked, Cloud gave him a look that showed his betrayal.

"I am not a product of bestiality!" Zidane shouted, "I'm a genome!"

"Which you still haven't explained yet." Squall answered.

"And I never will now!" Zidane pouted.

"Good…cause I didn't want to know." Squall muttered.

"Fine!"

Bartz meanwhile was sad, 1. no one laughed, 2. Cloud was probably going to kill him later and 3. because now everyone was fighting. Bartz heaved a sigh.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it." Firion walked up to Bartz, "It's better they fight here than in the middle of a battle with the enemy."

"I guess that's true…"

"Yes, just let them fight it out, it'll get rid of their excess energy."

Cecil joined them, "I thought it was very creative to use our respective numbers to create that joke."

Bartz brightened up, "Thanks!"

Terra hesitantly walked over as Cloud and Tidus got dragged into the now violent fight that started between Zidane and Squall, Luneth quickly joined them and now it was a dust cloud of fists. Warrior of Light stayed where he was, no one fucked with the Warrior of Light…often. It was five minutes later when everyone stopped, black and blue, panting and exhausted.

"I guess you were right." Bartz said to Firion.

"Well…I found that when people are with the same group too long they tend to hate each other, it's all part of the cycle."

"Do you get sick of everyone here?"

"Not very often."

"That's good."

The panters collapsed and slept as the others continued about their day.

_END!_

_Before I started typing this it was even shorter, I just randomly came up with things to add into this, which is good, but I hope I didn't offend anyone just remember I do this for humor I'm not trying to be an ass ^_^ but anyways please review or add to favs and alerts! _


	4. English names vs Japanese names

_nSo I like how many people put it on favs and alerts, that definitely surprised me xD Kay, this chapter I feel isn't overly funny, I tried to put in an odd zinger, but I don't know how that worked out, but there's plenty of awkward moments in there. What I expect out of this chapter is for it to kinda give you a lot to think about for how the final fantasy characters are named. If it made you think, then this chapter is a success, but if it makes you laugh, then that's an added bonus for me!_

_Disclaimers: I do not own the final fantasy trade mark! Just 1-4, 8, X-2, Crisis Core and Dissidia xD _

Firion, Bartz and Terra all had one thing in common, they all had frequently used Japanese nicknames, another thing they had in common was that they all agreed in that English vs. Japanese, English definitely won.

"It's really obvious why I hate my nickname." Bartz grumbled.

"I just think the English version sounds better…" Terra explained.

"Why do you hate your Japanese name Firion? I think it sounds awesome! It sounds…elvish!" Bartz asked, "Your English name sounds like a new evolution of Eevee."

"It means something embarrassing, and it is also the cause of all the jokes of me concerning Sephiroth…" Firion muttered.

"'Virgin' is not worse than 'Butz' and everyone knows that Sephiroth did not rape you…I think…and if he didn't…ARE you a VIRGIN Firion?"

Firion went crimson as the few near times went through his mind; the most prominent one involved a certain Lamia Queen posing as Princess Hilda. Firion had to admit…he had bad luck fighting female enemies…he prayed he'd always remain on Terra and Maria's good side, and especially Leila's.

"I'm…a virgin…" Terra spoke up, she felt bad for Firion right now, Bartz could be so inconsiderate sometimes.

Firion pitched a sigh, "Me as well."

Bartz grinned, "Aww! How cute!"

"What about you Bartz?" Firion was starting to get annoyed.

"Moi? Well sure! There wasn't enough time between fighting Exdeath and being sent here to develop a relationship with Lenna for that to happen so…yeah!"

"How long was that?" Terra asked intrigued.

"Hmm…about a year but a good part of that was spent running/paying back Faris…or die…"

"Die?" Terra asked.

"Yes…Faris is an evil broad who blames me for her own crappy captaining and destroying/trying to steal her ship! Which wasn't my idea!"

"You probably did…" Firion answered.

Bartz gasped, "Why Firion?! How could you accuse me of such travesties?!"

"Because I know you, and it sounds like something you would do." Firion answered.

"But you had a pirate captain in your party; you know how annoying and mean they are!" Bartz pouted.

"I also had enough sense to stay out of her way and didn't do anything on, around or involving her ship." Firion answered.

Bartz continued to pout, "No one understands…okay…I did mess around on her ship a little…"

Firion nodded, "That's more believable." He turned to Terra, "Tina isn't really that bad of a name."

"Terra sounds more powerful." Terra answered. "It also makes me feel closer to the elements I can control."

"I see!" Bartz exclaimed. Firion put more tinder on the fire they were sitting around, "Do any of you have anyone special waiting at your home world?"

Terra shook her head, "No…not like that. I have all of my friends and the children, but no husband or lover."

"Do you have a crush?" Bartz asked.

Terra jumped at the question, "Umm well of anyone in my home world it would probably be either Edgar or Setzer."

"Ahh…I see…what about you Firion?"

Firion was toying with a stick, "The majority of us were men. Gordon and the Princess are happy together, not Leila, maybe Maria."

Bartz nodded, "Cool beans...So now what should we do?"

"Let's have some quiet…" Firion suggested.

"Actually…" Bartz began, "There are some Japanese names I like better than English ones like Cara over Krille, or Lenna over Reina."

"I'm the only one in my game that had big changes to my name." Terra sighed.

"Cloud mentioned a girl named Aerith, or Aeris, I prefer Aerith though." Firion said, "there was a dragoon I knew named Ricard, but then his name got changed to Gareth, those names have nothing in common."

"Or you could have your name mistranslated into Salsa in the remake!" Bartz allowed himself a laugh on Faris's expense.

"Your game is screwed up when it comes to names…" Firion commented.

"Blame the translators and the ones who created the storyline…" Bartz grumbled.

"What was the name of the white mage who helped you out?" Terra asked Firion.

"Mindu, or Mingwu for the Japanese version, which rhymes with Windu, from star wars…thus…another parallel for critics to compare final fantasy 2 to star wars…"

"I can see you are very angry about this, how does it make you feel?" Bartz asked with a random clipboard he had.

Firion crushed a thick twig with one hand and gave Bartz a baleful glance, "I think that it is a stupid assumption on their part, I might go with it if the Emperor suddenly announced that he was my father, but that never happened, therefore I think they're all stupid."

"Okay….I think I'm done antagonizing you for the day…." Bartz began to inch away from Firion, and towards Terra.

"Good." Firion said as he threw the snapped stick in the fire.

END!

_Yeah…I might be a little off with the names, but I did my best in researching and actually playing all the games I could get my tiny paws on :P sooo yeah please please review? And to give you incentive I will post a preview to the next chapter_

_Squall and Cloud…not again! Preview_

"Who's the freak with the tail coming towards us?" Squall asked.

"Dunno…he's our monkey ape assassin…named ape." Cloud answered.

"Hey there! I'm Zidane! Who are you guys?!"

"I'm…Squall…" Squall opted not to say Leon as it would just confuse everyone, especially Firion. 'Why is it I get this feeling that I'm going to be somehow grouped with him…?'

_Hopefully that's enough of a taster! Just remember that reviews make me update faster, and give me motivation to come up with sick and twisted ideas…^_^_


	5. Squall and Cloudnot again!

_So I am definitely thrilled with the amount of reviews I have received! It has definitely cheered me up a lot! ^_^ A couple of reviewers have asked that I do a chapter about character sprites. And I decided I would do it ^_^ it's gonna take some research, but other than that it won't be a problem! It's not this chapter, nor the one after this one…pretty sure it'll be the one after that one though ^_^_

_Review Reply: Augurus-Chronicle_

_It is fun to call him a virgin, though my friend likes to call him a terrorist more or Arab. Yeah I got the PS1 remake of final fantasy 2, and theirs is Mindu…gotta love those remakes…totally screws around with ya. And yes I will do the sprites like asked ^_^_

_Disclaimer: I don't own the final fantasy trade mark…if I did, I'd ask why none of the main characters have 2 parents during the course of any games! (lol Mrfipp!)_

Many were asked to take up the call, but only 10 decided to answer. As Cosmos summoned the 10 to order's sanctuary, Chaos summoned his warriors to his throne. The 10 heroes quickly tried to get their bearings while taking in all the new faces.

Squall analyzed the sanctuary and the others presiding in it. He scoffed as he got a better look at them all. 'Ugh…why did I say yes…' Squall thought to himself, 'There's a monkey, a runt, a schizophrenic, a moron, a bull fighter, a terrorist, a weak looking girl, a sports tard and…'

"Squall." There a small hint of disbelief in his voice.

"Cloud." Squall nodded his head.

"Why are you here?" Cloud asked.

"I answered the call. I assumed that's why we were all here." Squall answered.

Cloud nodded, "How long…has it been since the last time…we were put in a game together?"

Squall thought about it, "Not since chain of memories…I think…"

"They've stopped putting us in Kingdom Hearts…I feel torn…." Cloud sighed.

"They will put us in Kingdom Hearts 3…hmph." Squall casually looked around, "Who are these people?"

"Not interested…"

Squall just sighed, he really didn't want to introduce himself to everyone. The Warrior of Light went to the center of the crowd, "Who's the dork with the horns?" Squall tried again.

"Not sure…he has no name according to him." Cloud answered.

"Cloud! Leon!" Tidus shouted and ran over to the silent duo.

"Leon?!" Firion asked.

"Different Leon Firion!" Tidus answered.

"Do I know you?" Squall asked annoyed.

Tidus was either oblivious or ignored the tone in Squall's voice, "I'm Tidus! There was that one time we were in Traverse Town, I was just a kid though and it was just after Destiny Islands went kuput and you guys found me, Selphie and Wakka."

"You grew up…" Cloud muttered.

"Of course! I wasn't supposed to be a kid in the first place!!"

'I remember this kid now…he never shuts up…' Squall thought to himself, 'And Selphie as a kid to this day still brings nightmares…'

"Ahem." The warrior of light got everyone's attention. "My fellow warriors…we have been summoned to fight the forces of chaos to end the conflict and save our worlds. It will be a brutal war, but the light will guide us. We will not let Cosmos down."

'Yeah, yeah…' Squall thought in boredom.

"Now what…" Cloud asked himself.

"Aimlessly wander around." The one known as Bartz answered.

"We should at least formulate a plan first!" Luneth cried.

'Will they all just shut up already?' Squall asked himself. He vaguely wondered if he could get away, but the amount of trouble he'd be in would not make it worth his while. "Who's the freak with the tail heading towards us?"

"Dunno…he's our monkey ape assassin named ape…"

"Hi there! I'm Zidane, Who are you guys?!"

"I'm…Squall…" Squall opted not to say 'Leon' as it would just confuse everyone, especially Firion, 'Why is it that I get this feeling that I'm going to be somehow grouped with him…?'

"Awesome! What's your specialty?! I'm good at fighting in air and thieving you?"

"…strategizing and gunblading." Squall answered.

"Cool! Can I see your gunblade?"

"No."

"You're such a grumpy pants! Stole your wallet! Haha just kidding! Later Squall!"

Zidane left and Squall breathed a sigh of relief. Before he could check to see if his wallet was still there he was assaulted from behind, "Hey! I'm Bartz! What's your name?!"

Squall was taken aback by this man who was definitely older than he was, was on his back like a small child, "Get off."

Bartz looked down and buried his head into the fur lining of Squall's bomber jacket, "I'm too scared…"

"Che…" Squall closed his eyes.

"Do you need some help with him?" A gentle voice asked squall.

"What do you think?" Squall asked, a hint of annoyance was in his voice. Squall opened his eyes to see the closest personification of an angel he had ever seen, Squall felt his jaw begin to drop but he snapped it shut.

"Here." The angel man picked up Bartz and set him down

"Thanks! I thought I was going to die!!" Bartz grinned, "Who are you?"

"Cecil Harvey."

"I'm Bartz Klauser!"

"A pleasure to meet you." Cecil smiled.

"What's your name grumpy pants?!" Bartz asked Squall.

"Squall Leonhart." Squall muttered.

"Awesome! Well…see ya!" Bartz took off.

"I have a bad feeling I'm going to be in a group with those two aren't I…" Squall muttered.

"I bet you're wishing Yuffie was here aren't you…" Cloud asked.

"….Yes…" He hated to admit it.

"We are being left behind." Cecil informed them and they all silently joined the group.

END

_Not kidding my life is so busy it is insane, things will not probably calm down until I graduate probably…I'm hating the whole getting ready for university drag…it's a killer :P ^_^ well anyways I hope that you guys enjoyed and please review ^_^_

_PREVIEW!!_

"I assure you this is no joke." The Emperor responded dryly

"…pinkie swear?" Firion asked.

"I swear." The two latched pinkies, and with that pinkie swear, the Emperor felt his pride get beaten down several notches.

_What's going on that the Emperor and Firion shared a pinkie swear? To find out sooner…REVIEW! Just kidding! I wanted to kinda say something like that since it reminds me of those TV announcers!_

_Sakura Sama 101 signing off. _


	6. Firion I am your father!

_Wow sorry about my incredibly lame updating! Well part of it was cuz my internet went for crap, then I had prom and now I have grad and getting through my exams to deal with haha! Well I managed to squeeze this in sooo yeah those aren't excuses, that's just what happened haha so please enjoy this chapter…I worked hard on it ^_^_

_Disclaimer: I don't own final fantasy dissidia and the games it was based off of. _

Firion sat down against a tree with a sigh, it had been a long day of fighting manikins. He sighed again to try and break the silence that was encompassing the clearing he was in. The others in his group had left to get their crystals on their own and left him to flounder and try to figure out how to get his crystal on his own. He liked it at first because Tidus was starting to annoy him slightly. But then the loneliness and silence got to him and things weren't as fun anymore.

Firion vaguely wondered if the others were successful in getting their crystals, and how pathetic he would seem if he was the only one left to get his crystal. He sighed as he got up and began to build a fire. Camping wasn't new to him, there was a point in his life where all he did was camp, "It's almost like ld times…" He softly said to himself, "I wish something will happen to break the boredom…" Firion had never been alone before, he always had Maria and Gus, who never left his side, and Minwu, Josef and Ricard when they were alive and Gordon and Lelia and in the end Leon. 'I can learn from this…this experience will only help me better myself!'

Firion hardly slept through the night, as he had to be constantly on the watch for the enemy. At dawn, he decided to move on and try to find something to help him. However, there was one option Firion was ignoring, he hated everything about this option, but as what he was doing now was yielding no fruit, he had no choice but to do it.

"I must seek out the Emperor…" Firion sighed, defeated by the thought. Firion wasn't stupid, a little naïve and maybe not quite thinking things through sometimes but not a moron, 'I realize that nothing good will probably come out of this…but what other alternative do I have?' Firion finally broke his way out of the forest and into a desert. In the distance, he could see a town and Firion trudged towards it.

It was a few hours later when Firion finally reached it. A worn wooden sign said 'Welcome to Kaipo.' In faded letters. Firion raided any stores for anything useful then holed himself at the inn. Firion set up some traps and alerts to wake him up if anything came by, and then dropped off into a dead sleep.

He woke up and left Kaipo and continued until he approached, 'The Rift.' Suddenly a portal opened up above Firion's head. He jumped back quickly, his hand reached for his sword, and his eyes never left the portal. It wasn't very long before a silhouette came into view and none other than the Emperor stepped out.

"Mateus!" Firion growled.

"My my…your friends left you all by yourself…I know that behind your bravado you are hiding how weak and insignificant you really are…"

"Tch!" Firion looked away briefly before looking back fiercely, "I am not weak! I beat you once…it will be easy to do it again!"

"By yourself and with no crystal? Don't make me laugh, I should crush you underneath my foot like the insect you are…but unfortunately I am unable to do so."

"Why is that?" Firion asked, the last thing he wanted was pity.

"I am your father." The Emperor responded with a grim look on his face.

"…What?"

"Gah! You fool! Must I repeat myself! I am…your father!"

"That's impossible! My parents died in Salamand!" Firion retorted.

"Your mother did, I however did not. You were such a troublesome toddler that I simply gave you away with some gil, it was either you or power…you know what I chose." The Emperor stated.

"This is all a farce to trick me! I will not fall for your lies!" Firion began to get angry.

The Emperor forced a very angry sigh, "Show me your hand. You have a birthmark on your wrist in the shape of a triforce."

Firion warily glanced at his hand where there was a triforce, "Any spy could have pointed that out to you! If youu are my father tell me something that no one else knows about."

"When you were little, you wanted to be a chef." The Emperor stated dryly.

"I…I never told anyone that…except my…! This can't be!" Firion clutched his bandana.

"Yes…it can be. And know that Leila is your sister! Which is very oddly close to Lea!"

Firion moaned, "But she's not a princess! And I didn't kiss her either! Wouldn't it have been more fitting to use Princes Hilda?"

"Granted that she is a princess and there was that incident where there was almost M rated content, but that was with my Lamia Queen, not with the real princess." Mateus did a sweeping gesture with his arms, "Besides, Leila has the name resemblance and she does have my good looks. Therefore that makes her your twin sister."

Firion began to laugh uncontrollably and continued to do so for a few minutes until finally he calmed down enough to speak, "I get it, yes, I get it! This is all a joke you are playing on me so that you and all of your little baddie friends can laugh…that or you hope I won't fight you is that it?"

"No. I assure you that this is no joke." The Emperor responded dryly.

"Pinky swear?" Firion asked.

"I swear." The two latched pinkies, and with that pinkie swear, the Emperor felt his pride get beaten down several notches.

"So…does this mean we have to keep fighting each other?" Firion asked with a small amount of apprehension.

"Yes. Our relationship changes nothing."

"Jecht and Tidus-"

"Jecht is an uncouth fool and Tidus is an ADHD case with one too many hits to the head." Mateus looked to see Firion open his mouth to protest, "If things didn't happen as they did I supposed that we could be in an entirely different predicament…but they aren't so this is how it shall remain. Power will always be my priority, but know that I will never have it in me to ki9ll you. I have to depart, I have pressing matters to attend to." The emperor vanished in a wisp of smoke.

Firion stared at that place where the Emperor was moments before, his thoughts and emotions swirled wildly out of control, and at this point, Firion let them. He wondered if what he heard was true or was it some new farce from the Emperor. Firion decided to believe the Emperor, because why would he lie about something like that? Firion smiled to himself, one day, a long time down the road the Emperor would realize what truly matters…

_Wow just broke 3 pages…that's kinda…bad…but yeah hope you enjoyed that haha I tried adding a little humor in there…but yeah what can I do…lol the next update might take a while, it's almost done being written…it's just all my exams and grad going on at the moment but once it's summer it'll be smooth sailing until august haha ^_^ please review ^_^ and thanks! _

_Preview_

"_You all look…THE SAME!" Bartz exclaimed in horror._

"_And now… the DS remake…" Luneth flipped his card over._

"_Ahh much better!" Bartz sighed, "That brought back memories of 4 swords…" _

_END _

_Till next time!_


	7. What the hell's with our sprites?

_Argh! Sakura Sama 101's late updating strikes again! I'm sorry! But…I have good reason…I am now a university student! And the last month was me trying to get moved in and get familiar with my classes enough so I can write and update! And not fall behind…luckily for you guys my classes do not involve math whatsoever ^_^ so I have no homework excuses except for this 12 page paper I have to write for every month in this one class. The other stuff is just reading and random Italian assignments ^_^but yah enough about me…xD this is a long awaited chapter for some and I'm glad that you guys have been patient with me ^_^ _

_Disclaimer: I do not own the final fantasy/ dissidia trademark, just the game, and 1-4 and 8 (I JUST BEAT 4…) I also don't own Family Guy._

What the Hell's with our sprites?

Whenevere the word 'Sprite' was brought up in a conversation, everyone flinched. It wasn't because they hated sprite pop, though a few of them flinched at the sight of that beverage too. No what I'm talking about are those god awful pixilated images that was used as identification back in the day. Some like Firion were okay with their sprites since theirs were fairly accurate…maybe not in the beginning but in remakes they got their crap together. The Warrior of Light could care less even if it didn't look anything like him.

"I'm heading out." Warrior of Light left the party.

Firion shrugged his shoulders in response. The group was sitting by the fire, as was their custom in the early morning. They were going to relocate to a new camp but the Warrior of Light used his divine leadership and went to scout the area ahead first.

"What are we going to do to pass the time?" Tidus asked, "We could play Blitzball…"

"How about no." Squall answered and shut that idea down pretty quick.

"We could look at our licenses…" Firion thought outloud.

"Since you said it you show yours first!" Zidane pointed his finger at Firion…quite like the evil monkey on family guy.

Firion shrugged his shoulders again as he pulled out his 'license to kick ass and wear a turban while doing so' out of his armor and showed the others his sprites. "These are mine."

"Hah! Why'd they give you orange hair?" Tidus asked pointing at the first sprite pic.

"I had a rebellious streak…idolized Ichigo Kurasaki…" Firion scratched his head.

"They gave Maria red hair too…" Terra pointed out.

"Rebellious phase! The whole game was a rebellious phase!" Firion answered.

"She wanted to be Orihime!" Bartz grinned.

"The others look normal and cohesive." Cecil commented.

"Here's mine! It's safe to say we are going in numerical order!" Luneth pulled out his 'License to be a Smart Ass.' Card

"You all look…THE SAME!" Bartz exclaimed in horror.

"And now…the DS remake…" Luneth flipped it over.

"Ahh… much better!" Bartz sighed, "That brought back memories of 4 swords…"

"Cecil, what's your game sprites like?" Tidus asked.

Cecil reluctantly pulled out his 'license to be schitzo' from his cape.

"Yours aren't all that bad." Firion commented.

"Oooh! Lookie lookie at her! Zidane whistled.

"That…is my wife…" Cecil pried Zidane's fingers from the card.

"She's purdy!" Zidane beamed.

"Cid looks like robotnic from Sonic…" Bartz pointed out. Zidane giggled in amused agreement. Terra shook her head but she was smiling too.

"Our Cids have a lot in common." Cloud stated.

"Yes…I don't know if any union between them would be good." Cecil answered.

"That just sounds bad…" Terra trailed off.

"Why?" Cloud hid his confusion.

"You know SIDS? It sounds like your talking about dead babies meeting…umm…I'll be quiet…"

"Who's the chick with no clothes and blonde hair?" Zidane asked.

"Barbaccia…she's a villain Zidane…" Cecil answered.

"Who's-"

"Rydia."

"And who's-"

"Rosa…my wife."

"My turn!" Bartz pulled out his license to wander.

"Oooooohh! Cute 14 year old at 12 o'clock!"

"That's Krile…" Bartz said, "You two would probably get along…."

"Set me up?"

"No promises." Bartz grinned.

"Why does your artwork have you with white hair yet you have brown hair in all of your sprites?" Terra asked.

"Meh, not sure…besides there's too many white haired men here anyway." Bartz answered.

"Don't you have silver hair Luneth?" Firion asked.

"I wanted to experiment…" Luneth slowly answered. 'and by experiment I meant try and copy Ingus to somehow gain his coolness…'

"Is that the he-she?" Tidus asked.

"Yes…that is the devil…Faris…" He glanced around.

"Why does her sprite have purple hair?" Cecicl asked.

"I don't know…" Bartz answered, "But she is blonde, this whole sprite thing is messed up…"

"Then who's the girl with pink hair?" Tidus asked, "Which goes blonde…"

"That's Lenna, the dye faded…" Bartz answered.

"Your turn Terra!" Zidane grinned.

Terra pulled out her license to randomly turn purple and grow hair out.

"Wow…you had a lot of people on your journey…" Cecil commented.

"Yeah…sometimes a little too many…" Terra murmured.

"Why do you have green hair on your sprite?"

"Maybe you spent too much time in a pool?" Luneth joked.

"Screwed up the hair dye?" Zidane joked.

Terra sighed, "It was a screw up with the developers."

"Hey! It's Firion's twin!" Bartz pointed at Locke.

"But I'm better looking." Firion commented. "He stole my look."

"Wow is the rapunzel wannabe gay?" Zidane asked.

"I…honestly don't know about Edgar..." Terra answered.

"You have long hair so look who's talking." Squall jabbed.

"Shutting up…OH MY GOD A NINJA!"

"Awesome!" Bartz was equally stoked, "A DOG!"

Terra sweatdropped a little, "They aren't nice from Naruto." She warned.

"Awe…" Both were disappointed.

"Who's this?" Luneth asked.

"Oh…that's Gau." Terra answered.

"What's he like?"

"He was raised by wolves so he's very primitive and likes meat, but he's got good intentions."

"There's so many people…"Zidane moaned, "Hey! A babe!"

"That's Celes…hit on her and not only could she hit you but Locke definitely will." Terra answered.

"Touchy touchy…" Zidane muttered.

"You had a moogle in your party?" Cecil asked.

"Yes." Terra brightened up, "He was so soft and cuddly!" She sighed, "He wasn't a bad fighter either…" She added as an after thought.

"Oh hey! It's chewy!" Tidus grinned.

"Chewy?" Warrior of Light asked.

"Chewbacca!" Tidus grinned, "….except white and purple! I know! It's the abominable chewy!"

"No…he's not." Terra sighed but giggled at the thought, "His name is Umaro…"

"Cloud! You're next!" Tidus called.

Cloud reluctantly pulled out his 'License to be emo' out of his pocket.

"Wow…you guys are really distorted on your world map…" Terra commented.

"Yay! We now graduated on to polygons!" Bartz cheered.

"Lucky bastards…" Firion muttered.

"Oh yeah…almost all the new remakes upgraded from sprites didn't they…."Luneth thought outloud.

"Indeed." Cecil answered.

"One day…I will be upgraded in a remake…and look just as I do in Dissidia…if it's the last thing I do…" Firion vowed, "The psp should have done the job right but no…"

"There's always DS rosebud…" Tidus smiled.

"IF there is one…" Firion muttered.

"There's no final fantasy games for the wii are there?" Zidane asked.

"No, not from the main stream, just crystal chronicles as far as I know…imagine the destruction that would cause countless innocents would die." Cecil commented.

"Why would that be Cecil?" Luneth asked.

"First they would have to make a new wii mote in the eshape of a sword. Then in battle, instead of battle commands they could just swing their swords to attack because no one defends anymore. Then they could thrust their sword in the air to do magic…someone will die eventually…" Cecil explained.

"We got off topic…" Terra gently reminded them.

"All of your sprites look older and a lot of them angry." Tidus commented, "I'm too scared to visit…"

"Oooh! Who's that hot looking ninja babe?" Zidane asked.

"Yuffie…" Cloud muttered. "She'd think you're adorable…maybe…"

Squall grimaced at the name and Bartz saw it, "So you know her?"

"Yeah."

"What's she like?"

"Noisy and nosey."

"Do you like her?"

"Sometimes…" a tick began to appear on Squall's face and Bartz took that as his queue to stop.

"Oooh who's the cutie in the pink-"

"I wouldn't finish that sentence unless you're into necrophilia." Cloud answered with a sinister glare.

"…Aerith." Squall murmured. One of his comrades died another reason to kill Sephiroth.

"And the hot mama in the black?" Zidane asked.

"Make her a momma…and I'll sick Rude on you." Cloud answered.

"Touchy touchy!" Zidane backed away from Cloud.

"Squally!" Bartz jumped on Squall.

"No." Squall answered. He felt a hand leave his pocket and knew it was too late. Zidane had Squall's pouch in hand and began to rifle through it. He pulled out Squall's sprite card, "License to be an asshole card." The others were sneaking peaks at them.

"Too much shadowing on the faces…" Terra murmured.

"Squall looks like he's 30 years old." Tidus commented.

"Che." Squall muttered.

"Oooh brunette with streaks!" Zidane grinned.

"Touch her and you die." Squall answered.

"Touchy touchy…hey! A cowboy!"

"Where?" Bartz asked.

"I'll never understand those two…" Cecil commented.

"Irvine…Zidane you're just like him."

"Cool!" Zidane grinned, and then pulled out his own card, "License to be a Klepto."

"Your sprites are odd…if we can consider them sprites, how about the pictures are weird." Terra suggested.

"Or the people that are in them are oddly proportioned." Firion added.

"Their heads are huge!" Tidus commented.

"Jee thanks guys…" Zidane muttered.

"Steiner…" Cecil read.

"He's a freak!" Zidane answered…"He's okay…" He changed his tune at Cecil's face.

"And this must be Garnet!" Bartz grinned.

"Oi! Stay away from her! Zidane snatched the card.

"She's really pretty…why do you hit on anything else with long hair and curves?" Firion asked.

"Animal nature." Zidane answered.

"Me next!" Tidus grinned.

"Okay!" Bartz grinned

Tidus pulled out his license to be a dork card and immediately began to introduce people, "The girl with blue and green eyes is my girl Yuna so Zidane back off. The blonde is Rikku the goth is Lulu, the big bronze red head is Waka…I think he likes Lulu…the guy in the red is Auron and he's cool, and dead. And that's my clone. I hate him."

"Cool…" Terra smiled.

"It's time to leave." Warrior of Light informed them all.

"Rikku's cute…" Zidane muttered.

"And you're both thieves it's a match made in heaven" Tidus animatedly said.

"Now." Warrior of light commanded.

"Sir yes sir!" Bartz shouted.

_END!_

_Ugh I'm so tired lol I has a roommate now…it's hard getting used to lol but yeah it'll happen I get to go home for thanks giving soon I'm so stoked! ^_^ but yeah I'm sorry for the late updating ^_^ so please review ^_^_

_Preview…._

"What do you consider 'little things?'" Bartz asked me

"Opening doors, pulling out chairs, flowers…" I began.

_That's all I can really do lol. Sorry for the crappy preview hahaha! But that's all I can really give for now ^_^ r and r ^_^_


	8. Can I Kiss You?

_Alright…I only have a few things to say in my defense for my horrible updating…1. FINALS 2. Moving back into my house. And 3. New and unusual punishment my body decides to spring on me…such as my stomach trying to eat itself…yeah that's what I said. So yes here is the newest chapter of 'Why are Cecil's lips purple.'_

_Warnings: my e, p and ' keys are screwed on my computer…so if a word or quotation is missing any one of these…that is why. Not saying I don't proof read my work, but I'm not perfect. _

_Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy dissidia or any of the games its based from. _

A day in the life of Terra

Being the only girl…in a group of complete strangers…it isn't easy. I can't say they are bad people, I've become close with a lot of them but there are a couple of small truths I must admit to in order to keep my sanity. Most of the men in my group are clueless, they do not respond to subtleties…you literally have to paint a picture for them and one that picture is finished they wish you didn't elaborate. Some of the men in my group are perverts…Bartz, Zidane and Tidus have said many things I would rather not have known.

I brushed away a stray lock of hair behind my ear and sighed. I definitely wish that Celes was here…any female presence…Cosmos doesn't really count for much as she is hardly ever here. But I can't say I couldn't find substitutes. There were two people in the group that I could count on, and talk to about anything. One was the boy Luneth, or Onion Knight as he commonly referred to himself as. He always had something to say, whether it be some random fact or a smart comment no one would expect to hear from someone so young.

The other is a half human like myself, though rather than being half esper like me, he is half lunarian or people from the moon in his world. He's not a talkative fellow…but rather than not wanting to talk to people I think he just gets lost in his thoughts a lot. He's also really formal and polite. He's happily married to a woman named Rosa and he's going to be a father soon. I hate to admit this but Rosa is truly lucky and Cecil is in the top few percentile of decent men…not saying all men aren't decent! Everyone has flaws! But its always the ones that we can't have or the badasses that we seem to fall for. At least until we smarten up, or get lucky.

I let out another sigh and began to try to calm my thoughts but it doesn't seem to be working…I strayed from the group to calm my thoughts, but this seems to be making them worse… "Ow!" I put a palm to my head to put pressure on it to get rid of the pain. The esper is beginning to react to my feelings…I think…I will sleep for a while…

A few hours later…

"Terra…" A quiet voice and gentle shaking roused me from my slumber. I opened my eyes and was startled to see Cloud there.

"Cloud?" I asked uncertainly, for all I knew in my tired mind it could be a manikin. When I confirmed it wasn't, I asked, "What are you doing here?"

I saw him glance over at me and he answered, "To think in peace."

"They're still arguing?" I asked. I saw Cloud nod his head in reply. Earlier Bartz and Zidane were complaining about how they weren't able to get girls in their respective worlds and what was a few helpful tips from Cecil turned into a full out debate about treatment of women. I didn't want to be an example so I left.

"I don't understand them sometimes…" I began, "They're great company…when ulterior motives aren't involved. Cecil, Luneth and Firion are right in their argument."

"Hn." Cloud answered, he looked in my direction. "You're a woman, you would know better than any of them how you would want to be treated…go tell them that…" I paled a little bit and decided if I pretended not to hear what he said…it didn't exist… "Terra…if they do anything stupid…I'll hit them…I just want this stupid argument to be over…"

We went back to camp and I took another deep breath. "Guys…you want to know what women like? We like men who respect us. We like the little things, wee like cheesy and corny stuff, we may call it that but deep down we like it…we really do…"

"What do you consider…'little things?'" Bartz asked me.

"Opening doors, pulling out chairs, flowers…" I began.

"You know you're describing the perfect man…the mary sue of the male world." Zidane pointed out to me.

"I didn't say you had to do all of it…" I answered with a sigh, "Okay Zidane, want a tip for the next date you're on?" I coyly asked.

Zidane gave me an intrigued look, "Hit me."

I took a deep breath, "The next time you go to kiss her, ask first." I couldn't help but smile at the looks I received.

"That would kill the moment!" Tidus complained.

"It would kill it even more if you went in and she turned her head away." I countered.

"Good point."

"A woman wants and loves to be given a choice when it comes to her body. If you give her that choice you won't regret it." I told them what I thought was good advice and I hoped that they took it to heart but I was tired and didn't want to talk about this anymore so I just sat and ate super, then it wasn't long after that before I decided to sleep for the night…the esper took a lot out of me today…it's slowly becoming worse…

END!

_So I'm sorry if this chapter is lame and not like me, but there was this presentation I went to that really touched me called, 'Can I Kiss you?' and this was where the idea for this chapter came from…soooo I'll make the preview for the next chapter…_

"_They have been targeting her mostly in the recent attacks." Warrior of light stated._

"_What does this all mean?" Tidus groaned._

"_I'll speak to her." Cecil volunteered_

"_Oh mah god Terra's pregnant! And I'm the father!" Tidus yelled. _

_Sooooo yeah…haha I hope to get this next chapter up soon ^_^_


	9. Technical Issues

_Bet you all didn't think I was going to update so soon did ya? Did I put someone into the hospital due to putting them in shock? Anyways enjoy this chapter…p.s I'm shocked and amazed by how many people have this story on their favorites!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own the final fantasy trademark…_

_Technical Issues_

The group was relieved, but somewhat nervous when the sun began to set over the trees. They were relieved because that meant they finally got a chance to rest, but nervous because this left them in a vulnerable position for the more frequent manikin attacks.

Firion came back with a large load of firewood looking very exhausted. Xena followed closely behind, "Do you know or have any idea why the manikins have increased their attacks?" he asked the Warrior of Light.

"I do not." Warrior of Light answered, "Whatever the reason, we must not drop our guard." He walked over to Terra, "Are you alright Terra?" She for some reason unknown to him seemed to be their target.

Terra timidly glanced up at him, "Yes…as much as I can be." She answered. "I'll be right back."

Warrior of Light looked over to Cloud, "Please accompany her." He wasn't taking any chances.

"NO!" Terra shouted with a grimace, then ducked her head in embarrassment, "I…I will be fine by myself…I won't be gone for long, or very far…"

"Very well."

Terra ran into the cover of the forest they were on the outskirts of. She held a ball of flame in her hand as she made her way through the thickening brush. When she came to a log she sat down and sighed, "I didn't know how much more of them I was going to take!" she took a deep calming breath. "How nice to be alone…the silence is breath taking!"

Back at camp they were formulating new strategies to deal with the sudden increase in manikin attacks. "It's a little strange isn't it? I wonder what's setting them off, why now…" Bartz wondered.

"Chaos's forces probably want to finish us off as fast as they can." Squall ventured a guess.

"In the last couple of days I've been getting the odd whiff of blood…are any of you injured? Not that you would admit it anyway…," everyone answered no. "I do not smell it now anyway…"

"Terra's been acting weird the last few days…" Luneth added, "She won't hardly speak to anyone…and she seems almost angry…"

"They have been targeting her mostly in recent attacks." Warrior of Light stated.

"What does this all mean?" Tidus groaned.

"I could speak to her…maybe she has the answer to our riddle." Cecil volunteered.

"Oh mah god! Terra's pregnant! And I'm the father!" Tidus yelled. Firion delivered him a swift hit to the head. "Hey hey! Comic relief! I know she isn't! And if she was, we all know it would be Cloud's baby…" Cloud drew his buster sword, "Don't look at me that way…I was only kidding!" Cloud came closer, "I only said it as a joke!"

* * *

Terra meanwhile just finished washing herself and put her clothes back on, "This is ridiculous!" she then began to make her way back, feeling a lot better and stocked with a pack full of useful herbs. She broke through the cover of the forest and welcomed the warmth of the much larger campfire, though vaguely wondered why on earth Tidus was all the way up the tallest tree, with Cloud sitting at the bottom of it waiting. She decided that she was probably better off not knowing what he did to annoy Cloud this time. Since Tidus was too scared to sleep, and Cloud was waiting for him to either sleep or sneak down, they had joint watch.

Terra quickly went to go lay down, grimacing as she did so. If this was going to be the start of her night, she knew that she was going to have another sleepless night. It was only when she spent the last hour tossing and turning did Cecil decide to say something, "Are you okay Terra?" he whispered.

Terra rolled over to face him, "I'm fine."

"I don't think you are…" Cecil answered. "I think you are in pain, though I don't know the cause. Do you have a physical injury?"

"No."

"I did not think that it was…it would have been more obvious. Do you have a migraine?"

"No."

"Sprain?"

"No."

"Pinched nerve?"

"No."

"Cancer?"

"Why does everything come back to cancer?"

"Because everyone thinks I have cancer, I want to assume someone else does." Cecil answered.

"You really want to know what's wrong with me?"

"Yes."

"I have cramps."

"Oh…that makes sense." Cecil nodded, "We should inform Warrior of Light…and make plans for the next time it happens."

"I guess…"

"At least we know you aren't pregnant with Cloud's child."

"What?"

"Nothing."

Terra shook her head, "The stuff you guys come up with…"

"Good night Terra."

"…Good night Cecil."

It was the next morning…and Tidus was still in the tree…waiting…dark bags under his eyes and hardly blinking. Cloud meanwhile was snoring quietly underneath him. Tidus decided now was as good of time as any to make his way safely down. He was doing good so far, and was halfway down the tree when the branch he was standing on…snapped. "OH SHIT!" Tidus plummeted downwards hitting every branch on his way down. Cloud looked up in time and dodged him.

"Watching you fall has been punishment enough." And Cloud walked away.

Terra sighed, but smiled, at least they decided to do this at a later time in the morning, "Cecil informed me of your condition. But I suspected it was as such."

"What?"

"I travelled with a female white mage, things like that aren't hard to notice."

END!

_Well here ya go…another new chapter and you didn't have to wait long for it. _

_Preview_

"Wait! What kind of summons does everyone have?" Luneth asked.

"Good night." Firion got settled in. "Thanks for leaving me out." He chided.

"Not my fault there gramps." Bartz grinned

"Remember when you got stabbed by a spear and almost died."

"SPOILER!" Bartz yelled.

_Hopefully I'll be able to update in the next week._


	10. Magic Throughout the ages

_What can I say? University life is a bit of a bitch...I apologize for the late updating...uhhh...really really late updating, but I finally have some time to get stuff that I have written typed, luckily this story is one of them. Damn you education and English classes! AND I FOUND MY MICROSOFT WORD SOFTWARE FUCKERS! SO NOW I HAS SPELL CHECK! YAH!_

_Disclaimer: I do not own final fantasy dissidia or any of its derivitives _

Magic throughout the ages

The group was at cam and as we all know, they quickly become bored and some offensive or obscure topic gets brought up. Today was no exception to that tradition.

"What kind of magic spells are from your worlds? Like...do you have cure? Or fire?" Terra asked.

"Yeah! Warrior of Light, what magic did they have in the Stone Age?" Zidane piped up.

The Warrior of Light remained void of all emotion but responded, "Cure levels 1, 2, 3, 4. Life 1 and 2; Fire 1, 2, 3, and so on. Esuna for poison, Stona for stone, Vox for Mute."

"Esuna in my world was used for permanent status ailments except KO. We use Basuna for in battle effects." Firion commented.

"I've never heard of Basuna. In my world Esuna cures everything except death. That's really odd that Basuna and separate spells even exist." Cecil added.

"I use poisona to cure poison, blindna to cure blind or I guess it's known as dark to some. And mini and toad/pig either inflict or cure its effects." Luneth commented "Oh! I have stona too!"

"Pig, toad and mini hold true to me as well. I had forgotten." Cecil answered.

"I have poisona." Bartz commented, "And mini toad and pig are the same."

"Cecil, I think you may be the only one who doesn't have poisona, I have it too." Terra smiled.

"Mine's in a materia. It also has Esuna and resist." Cloud commented as he was cleaning his buster blade.

"I don't have poisona." Squall answered.

"I have something in my world that's similar but is called panacea." Zidane was munching on some wafers.

"I just have Esuna, and I do have nul magic in my world like the warrior of light." Tidus was blowing bubbles.

"Does anyone have Ultima in their world?" Firion asked.

"Yes!" Zidane, Terra, Squall and Tidus answered.

"Firion I heard that your magic levels up differently than the rest of ours." Terra asked him.

"Yes. Basically the more a spell is used, the more it levels up and becomes more powerful. So there was no Fira, Firaga and Firaja. Or Fire 1, 2, 3, 4. There was also a spell called venom which was pointless as it was temporary and I'm also sure that my world has the most support magic."

"Yours or mine." Squall muttered.

" I think its safe to say 1, 2, 3, 4 is only for the Warrior of Light right? The others agreed, "And summoning magic started with me?" everyone agreed again, "And everyone has holy too."

"Yes."

"Does anyone have Blue Magic?" Terra asked.

"Yes mam!" Bartz and Zidane answered.

"Yeah, one of my friends could use it." Squall scoffed.

"Wait, what's blue magic?" Luneth asked.

"Its magic that you learn from enemies, their special magic."

"Oh cool."

"Ugh so tired…" Zidane yawned, "I had a knowledge overload."

"Yes let us call it a day." Cecil agreed, they then began to set up their sleeping bags.

"Wait! What kind of summons does everyone have?" Luneth asked.

"Goodnight." Firion got settled in, "Thanks for leaving me out." He chided.

"Not my fault there gramps." Bartz grinned.

"One day you're gonna get stabbed by a spear and almost die."

"SPOILER!" Bartz yelled.

"Uh…can we get back on topic please?" Luneth groaned.

"Eidolons, Aeons, Summons, Espers, Guardian forces, Avaters." Terra listed them off.

"The creatures are the same for the most part, their names are all different though than yours." Luneth commented, "Icen is Shiva, Leviath and names like that."

"Rydia could summon all of the ones that you have Luneth, but she had a few other ones, she could summon the Eidolon queen Asura, bombs, dragon, Sylphs, goblins, mindflayers and cockatrices, as well as her own summon Whyte." Cecil added.

"We could summon sylphs!" Bartz exclaimed. "But none of the other special ones, instead we could summon Golems, Remoras, Catoblepas, carbuncle, Syldra and phoenix."

"There are too many espers to name in my world, though…we don't have all of those listed…we have so many to count…Alexander, all the common ones, Cactuar, Diabolos, phoenix, Siren, Gilgamesh, Fenrir…"

"I have Fenrir too!" Zidane exclaimed. "Or I guess Eiko does…she also had Titan, Carbuncle, Phoenix and something called Madeen." He paused, "Garnet could summon Ramuh, Ifrit, Shiva, Atomos, Odin, Leviathan, Bahamut and a summon called Ark."

Cloud was playing with a red materia, "We have to find our summons in materia… but the ones we found were all of the reappearing ones…Kjata, Alexander, Neo Bahamut, Hades, Typhoon, Bahamut ZERO, and knights of the round." He was tossing the materia up in the air and catching it.

"Guardian Forces huh…" Squall brooded, "Quezacotl, Shiva, Ifrit, Siren, Brothers…Diabolos, Carbuncle, Leviathan, Pandemona, Cerberus, Alexander, Doomtrain, Bahamut, Cactuar, Tonberry and Eden could be attached to us, Odin or Gilgamesh, Moombas chocobos, phoenix and moogles could not be junctioned but were there…I'm done I'm going to bed."

Tidus had a sad look on his face, "Yuna could summon a few, Ifrit, Valefor, Shiva, Ixion, Bahamut, Yojimbo, Anima and the Magus sisters…" he rolled over and said no more.

"We are starting to tread on emotional ground…" Cloud sighed.

"Goodnight everyone…thankyou for sharing…what you could." Terra smiled.

END!

_There ya go, I don't know when I'm going to update again…but I hope that you enjoyed this and that it was worth waiting….for me to find my Microsoft word disc…_


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